Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
