another moral hangover. fuck.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.