if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
This beer is not sobering me up at all
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Found your dick twin last night
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...