Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
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i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
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I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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