Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
