so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
