wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
