The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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