Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
