GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
