my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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