Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
