and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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