cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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