porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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