So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
