no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Houston, we have a blender
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
