I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
