i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
