i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Drake has all the answers
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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