I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
