At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
