So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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