he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
