Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
