I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's never too late to be topless.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
