This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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