I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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