i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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