Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
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threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
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Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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