she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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