i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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