Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
