I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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