too bad you live with your parents still
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
