my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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