no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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