My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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