Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
