the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
