No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
