I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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