I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
