i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
