I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
