She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
