standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
