I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
