3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
