I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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