i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
