you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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