Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
