the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i dont even know how to be here
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
