I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
