he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
