Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
why do cheetos always look like penises
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
How external is "for external use only"?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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