don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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