hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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