i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
two words...techno handjob
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
