He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
