I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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