So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
