did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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