Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
