I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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