so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
