To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
