Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I cockslap morals
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
