drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
