so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
