i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
