If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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