low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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