I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
