Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
